Hannah and Marissa at a family dinner

A common phenomenon upon having children is losing the ability to converse in complete sentences. It occurs without warning and across genders, not limiting itself to the mother. It often coincides with an odd combination of syllabic babbling and strange facial contortions quite common among parents. This inexplicable infliction hit my husband and me within weeks of our first daughter’s arrival. Since most adults who do not have children do not exactly relate to this unique means of communication, social networks alter after children are born.

After a decade, I gave up finding friends who understood us and instead set myself to the ominous task of teaching our children to converse in complete sentences. For example, at dinner I often try to begin a conversation with perhaps the most over-used parental question of modern times, a question whose potential has yet to be tapped: “Girls, what did you learn in school today?” as if I don’t already know, being a homeschooling parent! Their typical response, naturally, is, “Nothin’.” One raised eyebrow (that’s a good trick–every parent should learn the single eyebrow raise) from me and they immediately remove their elbows from the table, place napkins on their laps, and reply with intentionally shocking grammar, “We didn’t learn nothin’.”

A complete sentence! Alleluia!

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