I believe all homeschool mothers with an ounce of honesty have closet confessions regarding their dual role as mother and teacher. I can’t imagine any not having a few mixed emotions about the many facets of being both parent and teacher, homework giver and homework helper, alarm clock setter and school bell ringer, lunch lady, bus driver, and substitute teacher. Many have taken a glance or two at the giant twinky (a.k.a. school bus), some, perhaps, with a bit of longing. I wouldn’t be honest if I didn’t make a few confessions of my own.

Although the twinky has held certain unrealistic appeal at times, the closest I have ever gotten to sending my little lambs out to a different pasture is enacting my patented decoy bathroom routine. It’s remarkably simple, and amazingly effective. Here’s the routine. I turn the light on in one bathroom, lock the door, and close it from the outside. Then I head to a separate bathroom, leave the light off and the door open. There I sit, holding my breath, trying to read something of adult content (Christian adult content, I mean) while the flock bleats at the door of the decoy bathroom. In other words, I’ve been there! I’ve had those days where all I want to do is sit on the floor of the pantry eating chocolate chips out of the bag!

I have confessed to my husband from time to time my sense that I frequently bear the stigma of being no fun, the bad guy, the nag, the slave driver, the chore caller. As exciting and occasionally spontaneous as I try to make life (can you try to be spontaeous?), the fact still remains that chores must be done, math facts must be learned, and yes, it does matter if you capitalize your proper nouns and write your twos and fives in the correct direction! While I’m at it, chew with your mouth shut, change your undies, and pleeeease use a tissue for that…at least in front of Great-Grandma.

Daddy vastly outscores me on fun points. Today my morning contained attitude correction, chore direction, schoolwork, and an exasperating struggle with an absent-minded child regarding the proper usage of the words to, too, and two. Daddy’s afternoon involved gathering the children outside to build an admittedly wonderful frog habitat. Ohhhhh, they know all about frogs, because I taught them, but Daddy gets the fun points!

While I take the children to the grocery store along the paved roads, Daddy takes them on errands through the desert. While I teach them to make meals that include all the food groups, Daddy teams up with a daughter to make phenomenal sweet rolls and the best cheesecake I have ever tasted. (I’m not complaining, mind you!) While I count pennies, clip coupons, and only shop sales, Daddy will bring home pizza or take everyone out for ice cream. I plan trips to the library and park; Daddy plans trips to Disneyland and Hawaii.

My girls sing a song entitled “Daddy’s the best.” It goes like this: Daddy’s the best, Daddy’s the best, Daddy’s the best, Daddy’s the best…repeat. And really, he is. Nevertheless, when all the Daddy whirlwind excitement has ended, I’m there to make sure everyone cleans up the mess! I firmly believe that the whirlwind and the janitorial supervisor complement each other beautifully, but that does not change the bare facts of the homeschool mother’s duties, or the fact that you just can’t go off-roading in a Chevy express van.

A visiting neighbor child mentioned to my girls that I was really fun. Their endearing response: “You think she’s fun? You should meet our Daddy!” WHAM! (That was my ego being knocked flat.)

I can be more fun than I portray here, mind you. We made fun shapes out of our biscuit dough tonight for dinner. Wheeee. We’re still trembling from the excitement.

Big sigh….

Spending every minute of every day with every member of my family is sincerely a blessing. The twinky holds no appeal to me when it means not being with my loved ones. Nevertheless, we homeschool mothers do suffer under the stigma of being no fun, often tire of being the slave master, and sometimes simply need five minutes alone in the decoy bathroom! Give the decoy bathroom a try! If it doesn’t work, give yourself 15 minutes on the floor of the pantry with a bag of chocolate chips. Might I recommend Hershey’s dark chocolate.

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